I didn’t go to AA. I googled it, stalked/walked by it twice, and saw the meetings coming and going. Nope, not doing it.
I still feel better every day. It sounds so weird. Enjoy it, be thankful for the things I can get done. I got up this morning on a Sunday had coffee, and cleaned my house. And loved it. It’s the simple things you know? It makes me happy. I can go for a swim or walk or both, or sit in the sun on my back deck and listen to music. Or write.
When I was drinking I would never clean the house without my “Oj”. It would get done in two hrs flat. Now it could take me a couple of days. I was a very high-functioning alcoholic. Drive after a few, always. Manage my career, businesses, and kids as a single mom. Yes. Until I didn’t, and I didn’t care. I put so much pressure on myself and all for what? To drink myself to death? No thanks.
The point is, I know what I need to do to stay sober and I’m going to do it. I’m not giving in for anything. That’s how I feel today.
I am going to force myself to do self-care every day. For me, that means physically looking after myself. (eating, sleeping, exercising, working). Then worry about everything else. Living in the present. It sounds so cheesy, but if it keeps me out of those depressing-looking meetings I’m doing it.
My fear of leaving the house is gone, Maybe my dad was right and it was PAWS. My snoring is gone… I used to sound like a train. Smoking and drinking every night. I am absolutely sleeping better. No more intense sleeping medication for anxiety. So weird how I was covering up mental health issues with booze then health issues with medication. No doctor actually told me to stop drinking. I imagine because they knew I’d lie anyway. And drinking is socially acceptable. They were probably gonna go home and knock back a few themselves. I’m still smoking but not killing weed every day like I was. Just doubling down on coffee and walking. Its is working so far 😂