Fucking amaz balls – she will go. It was not me, and I don’t think it was her Dad either. I think she has figured out she put herself in a pretty precarious situation. Forced to live with your mother and sister, sucks. And she had to deal with the toxic situation she had left on the mainland, which meant asking for help. She does agree that it takes time away from a situation, to see how it affects your life. I don’t think she can get sober here as an outpatient, not just in this house, but in this environment. The “pretty, hot girl” scene in victoria is a wee bit toxic. It seems like a lot of binge drinking, drugs, and creeps. I had another vomitous episode this morning after yesterday, and if Seroquel keeps my anxiety down so I don’t vomit, I am taking it again starting now.
I have just started to research and looking at rehab websites makes me wonder, is it just a marketing tactic, or what is going on… the websites are so gentle. I didn’t get a sense of urgency, or how they treat people who are addicted to everything. Why don’t they have up-to-date information? Do they not want to scare me? Weird and probably. I don’t even know, I just know I don’t trust a place that does not have current information on health issues. Recovery and self-awareness in 7 weeks. That’s ambitious and expensive. $31 000.00 we got quoted. That’s the cost of a degree – boo-ah-ygie.
They do make it sound like a picnic. Maybe that’s why all I wanted was an afternoon scotch and soda. That seems like a huge societal disconnect. What about the little people? A regular family, that doesn’t have $31 000 on hand. It just doesn’t seem realistic.
Besides that, I realized the whole situation has been hard on a dry drunk like me. It was me telling me to drink up and celebrate. Liv managed to organize her belongings from the mainland to here. Woop! She’s making steps! Relief.. (drink, drink, drink) then I saw sour beer and wanted them so bad, (drink, drink, drink) A nice little six-pack, chilling so innocently, deliciously in the fridge. Nice neat packaging, shiny silver, top with a matt black label. It’s so much work to keep it at bay. And really I just wanted to get numb. Sneaky, sneaky addict brain. Get behind me Satan, (Steel Pulse). I didn’t drink, and I don’t think if I went to a private treatment center it would change at this point.
I am looking for the right program vs cost ratio, I will take coffee, weed, and cigarettes over a box of wine any day, well no, I will always prefer to drink. But I know what happens when I do, and right now I’m not letting that happen.