Lifer
I have a bad habit of going back in time because it feels comfortable. The fact that I just called it a habit feels like I’m not allowing myself to feel my feelings. PTSD-I have a lot of patience for myself but sometimes, it feels very comfortable and intimate being...
Old ships on the Lake
I woke up this morning with the worst belly of my life - panic disorder suck. Good days and bad I guess. I did it myself. I let myself get overwhelmed and didn’t give myself time to digest. I was worrying about the future for no reason. Can’t control it so why worry...
40 mile
I am such an empath. I'm a sucker for any costume dramas, especially BBC take-offs. It's the people stories that I love. The romance, the passion, the outfits, and ending with heartbreaking treachery or misunderstanding. It's so true, I love it. When I was a girl my...
Rail Trail
I didn’t go to AA. I googled it, stalked/walked by it twice, and saw the meetings coming and going. Nope, not doing it. I still feel better every day. It sounds so weird. Enjoy it, be thankful for the things I can get done. I got up this morning on a Sunday had...
Mail and a Mercedes
I really thought that when Liv left I could concentrate on getting better, and I would want to drink less... But I still want it every day, sooo yeah. Six months in and I’m not wanting it any less. I pushed my shit under the rug, to look after her, and it has been...
Carole Leslie
Well, well, well, look who appeared in her bed at 5 am this morning. Rehab is still not an option for her. I told her she has to find somewhere else to stay until she gets sober. Her dad is coming to collect her tomorrow. I don't really blame her for not wanting to...
Tidal
Lately, I've been thinking about just being a writer… what the fuck would I write about? When I'm very transparent and honest about my struggles people get it. But this feels different. What is it that feels that way? Not sure yet. I am gonna call it the Dry Drunk....
Ontario st.
Fucking amaz balls - she will go. It was not me, and I don't think it was her Dad either. I think she has figured out she put herself in a pretty precarious situation. Forced to live with your mother and sister, sucks. And she had to deal with the toxic situation she...
Dry- Cat Lady
Dry Cat lady is gonna stick I think. Ever wake up in the middle of the night with gripping anxiety and cat pee on your bed? Oh just me? Awesome. Fucking melatonin, knocked me out and then make me wake up with a start. I changed my sheets, had some tea, a glass of...
Prohibition
Tidal sounds like I was romancing drug addiction. Then I re-educated myself on prohibition. I guess I want to prove my point, I am trying to be realistic. I think it's really important and it’s useful. Besides, marketing for liquor and cannabis are both very romantic....
Sobriety?
I love to preach about how I've been sober since January first. It is true I haven't had one drop of alcohol since then. But, I was still using speed daily for a while after that. I have no regrets. It worked. I’m not taking it anymore, I used weed to get off speed....
Dark Triad and Survivor Stories Projects.
All week I've been tittering on drinking. Warm weather and backyard smokes? Oh... how I miss day drinking. Thing is, if I give into that thought, well let's just say I don't want my life to ever look the way it did when I quit. Trouble ahead, trouble behind. -...
The FallOut
The Fall Out - As the dust begins to settle, (in my mind) and I start to get better, I realize it's hard to deal with the fallout. The consequences. How does one go down memory lane, relive the feelings and look at the consequences of one's actions? Bad ones I mean,...
Dark Arts
Cathartic- providing psychological relief through the open expression of strong emotions; causing catharsis. The idea that my blog is cathartic is true and actually inspiring. One of my best high school friends reached out to me last night. From the beautiful island...
Unrequited Love – Part One.
Unrequited Love - part one My intent is to tell this story with compassion and feeling, and not to conjecture up judgment or scolding from anyone else. I am ok with recreational drugs, I smoke weed every day. Sometimes a lot. It’s not the same, but it keeps me off the...
Attempt to write a more articulate piece…
I am attempting to write an articulate piece about urgent care. I've calmed down a little. I’m feeling guilty about trashing the RCMP, but not really. How does anyone get anything noticed if you don't say anything? Over the past three weeks, a lot of front-line...
Stupidest thing I have heard today..
So it's close to midnight am I am just going over my day. Recollecting one's thoughts...as we do. In the past three weeks I have; Had her speak with my Dr, telephone appointment. Gotten referrals set up for a mental health intake assessment - for this week. Got her on...
LHEP
I love the spring. I love watching it come alive. I went for a walk this morning, it was so nice to move. Lately, I’ve had a thing about leaving the house. I have a touch of agoraphobia. “Mom, you can't just have a touch,” says Jackie thrusting her phone in my...
Gypsy
My little Liv. My oldest daughter has moved home with me for a bit. She is creative, funny, smart, and very beautiful. She is also, in sharp contrast, very uncomfortable in her own skin. Twenty-three now must be a totally different place than it was for me. For one...
Rae
I met Rae in a bar after I had just finished a really emotional breakup with my husband. It was during my divorced party girl phase. He was beautiful. He had perfect teeth and a perfect body. He liked to party, but would never admit it. We were both heavy drinkers at...
How to Murder your Life – by Cat Marnell
I love a juicy memoir!! Caitlin Elizabeth Marnell is an American writer and socialite based in New York City. She was a beauty editor at Conde Nast, wrote a column for vice and now offers alternate lifestyle advice on Patreon. How To Murder Your Life is a very fun...
The Alcohol Experiment – by Anne Grace
The 30-day Alcohol-free experiment is where I started in September 2020. Covid so all the AA meetings were online, plus I wasn't really sure that was what I wanted to do. For the rest of my life I mean - never drink again? That sounded pretty far-fetched to me at the...
Triangle, Triangle…Triangle!!
I have been falling in and out of codependency my whole life. In and out of toxic relationships. All kinds of relationships, friends. lovers, family...in and out like waves. This is the first time I’ve really looked at it...not true, I've researched it before, and...
Poked the Bear
Well, I had a spectacular breakdown this week, it started with my new job, I thought I could handle it.. I thought it would be fairly easy and uncomplicated. It was ...turns out I am not so easy and uncomplicated. I have been working hard on my mental health, staying...
Beauty and the Beast
Soooooo, … being house poor sucks “Hey I know... let's start a really specific business during covid, in a sector that is sucking and will continue to suck for a while!!” - High pitched upward reflection girl I have been second guessing myself for awhile now. Probably...
Travel and the Beauty Bizz
I have always hated the winters in Ontario. For a lot of Canadians, winter starts in October and lasts until April. That’s like 7 or 8 months of harsh, freeze your nose hairs, cold. Huge snowstorms coming off the lake, and freezing rain if the lake warms up. Nothing...
Out of COVID comes calm
I started this journey at the beginning of summer, leaving my resort managing job because I was very unhappy. I was drinking a lot, like every day, all day. After a pretty dramatic departure, I continued to drink heavily for about two months. I have been a beauty...